How To Stop Subtle Self-Rejection

 

For many women the wish for everyone to feel good in a deep rooted one.The desire to please comes with it.

It comes from a place of ego. A place of survival. We adopt the behavior that we feel is approved by our parents and, later on, desired by our peers.

Even when not said out loud, we pick up on those subtle signs of disapproval or approval. Silence versus a laugh. A frown versus a nod. Someone turning their body away from you slightly versus coming closer. A voice sounding icy versus a warm tone. An unspoken expectation of how you’ll behave which you cannot resist because it would break rapport.

As sensitive, empathetic women, we hear those subtle requests loud and clear. I learned at a young age that acting like ( what I felt ) others desired of me, was my way to belong and get love. Somewhere in my young mind, I decided that if I wouldn’t answer this unspoken question, I wouldn’t be loved.

Love is essential for survival, for growth and to thrive. So giving in to expectations can become a way to survive. And after a while it has become second nature and a habit. You don’t think about it and the ego has found it’s way to control the situation to feel safe.

 

It’s easier to reject yourself than to reject someone else.

 

In truth we can ever ever reject or be rejected because we are al one. But we can definitely feel rejection.

It is in those moments of subtle perceived requests that we have a choice. We can either do what we feel is asked of us ( the request might not even be true anywhere else besides in our mind ) or we can stay true to our self.

You can feel and give expression to what is true for you. It might be something simple as not having a glass of wine if you don’t feel like it, while all your friends do. It might be laughing at a joke if it’s funny to you, even though no on else does. Or giving expression to your spiritual beliefs even when people think it’s vague. What are you experiencing and do you feel the freedom to express it? Can you be authentic and still feel safe?

Whenever you experience a moment like this, when you feel there is an expectation and you not complying might break rapport with someone, think of it as an invitation to return home. To return to your true self and to be true to yourself. Can you be honest with yourself and the people in your life? Do you value yourself as much as you value other people in your life?

These days I feel empowered every time I speak my truth. I have built strength and confidence by being true to myself and following my impulses. At times I realize only later that I’ve let myself be seduced again and acted the way I felt would be safest for me: adjusting to others and to what I felt their proposition for my behavior was. I take this as a reminder to return home.

What would it mean for your self-connection to practice being true to yourself? What would it mean for your confidence? Your self-respect? But also, what would it really mean to your relations, when you show more of your true inner world? What would it mean for your connection to other people?

This is like exercising a muscle. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

Our beauty and power is in our authenticity. Will you share your beauty with the world?

Love, Susanne