This post is all about feelings and how to experience more peace with whatever you are feeling.
Have you ever felt frustrated and felt even more frustrated that you were frustrated in the first place? Just because you thought you shouldn’t let it get to you any more or decided to always be zen?
Have you ever felt annoyed with someone and judged yourself for feeling that way? Perhaps because you thought it wasn’t the loving thing to feel and you should be better then that?
Have you ever felt down, sad or depressed and gotten mad on top of that, because you didn’t want to feel down, sad or depressed?
When you take a closer look, you can begin to see that you are having feelings about your feelings. This is totally normal. It’s like being happy that you are feeling contentment. Or loving that you are in love. There’s a feeling, and then there’s what we think and feel about that feeling. Since ‘meta’ means ‘above’, let’s call these feelings about your feelings meta-feelings.
Often, when we feel sad, angry, frustrated, annoyed, we judge ourselves for it. We think it is not the nice thing to do, we should know better, we are done with the feeling. So then we end up with two layers of non-happy feelings. Needles to say this isn’t helping at all and no one feels better after judging themselves for their feelings.
Peace of mind doesn’t mean never experiencing any difficult feelings and feeling only joy. It is the art of being at peace with whatever feeling is coming to visit you. It is welcoming them all in like you would a guest in a guest house.
‘So how can I be more at peace with my feelings then?’
Great question! Life is all about asking the right questions. So let me ask you: what resources do you need to hold the meta-feeling?
Let’s say you wish to practice self-love and you want to be more loving towards your feelings. What resources do you need to hold space for love? Or if you feel it would be great to feel more curious about your anxiety, what resources do you need to hold that feeling of curiosity? A resource could be trust, acceptance, strength, love, respect etc. Anything that helps you to hold space.
Go into a resourcefull state by meditating, taking a walk, exercising, going back to a memory when you fully experienced it. Do whatever helps you get into that resourceful feeling. Let the resourceful state sink into your body fully. Breath in the love, curiosity, respect. When you feel it, when you are in the resource state, take a look at those feelings you used to think of as difficult. Notice what shifts in your perception and attitude towards them. Journal about it if you like.
Use this again and again. You’ll notice it will get easier every time you do. Our feelings are not our enemies, they are only messengers. Treat them well.
Accepting your feelings is a radical step into self-love.